


I don't even paint...

by KahunaBurger



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stargate Fusion, Bucky Barnes & Winter Soldier are Different Personalities, Muses, Other, Tony is the Da Vinci of our time, Winter Soldier is a Goa'uld, possible future WinterIron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 20:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18431624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KahunaBurger/pseuds/KahunaBurger
Summary: General Fury wants Tony Stark brought into Stargate Command, Tony and his silent partner want everyone to relax and stop waving guns around, the Winter Soldier wants to meet a Muse, and Sgt Barnes just wants Fury to stop dangling his metal arm like geek catnip.





	1. Innovation and geek catnip

**Author's Note:**

> For the Tony Stark BINGO prompt : Fusion, and the free space "Da Vinci of our time."
> 
> Very little context on the Stargate series is given in this fic, so you might get lost if you haven't seen it or read other fanfics/series summaries. Sorry, if there is interest I could add a short glossery to each chapter.

General Fury slammed into the conference room, startling the gathered SG team. “Arrogant, self centered son of a bitch!”

“Talking to Pym again?” Clint guessed, settling back down when there were no alert sirens to accompany the upset.

“Worse, I just got the report from Romanov on Stark’s recruitment.”

Various noises of sympathy went around the table - Tony Stark had been kept out of the Stargate program in spite of his genius because he was simply too high profile for a still mostly-covert operation, but his recent kidnapping by the Trust had forced their hands. Dr Banner broke the trend with a disappointed sigh. “I told you that she was a bad choice to put on point for this. He’s not nearly as shallow as his public persona would have you believe.”

Fury scowled in return, he’d rejected Bruce’s request to make contact in spite of the former professional relationship the two scientists had, and would have liked to have walked that decision back a little more gracefully. “Yes, well, apparently things had already been going badly, and then when she made her pitch he just told her that he doesn’t reverse engineer, he ‘innovates’ and threw her out.”

“Hey, I do plenty of innovation here!”

“And that’s exactly what you can tell him.” The general stood and acknowledged the other two members of the gate team for the first time. “Captain, Sergeant, you’ll accompany the doctor when he gets a face to face meeting.”

Barnes looked up in surprise. “Sir? I know you like Bruce to have an escort in case there’s an incident, but surely Steve would be enough?”

“Surely that’s my call, not yours, soldier. But you won’t just be there as an escort. Rogers was a friend of Stark Senior and can vouch for the organization more convincingly than anyone else and you… well, just wear short sleeves and take your jacket off at an appropriate moment; we have to beat the Area 51 engineers off that arm of yours with a stick, might as well put the geek catnip to use.”

Clint almost fell off his seat laughing, and Barnes blushed slightly. “I’m feeling both objectified and nervous,” he mumbled.

“Relax, Bucky,” Steve clapped his shoulder in support. “I won't let him near you with any tools, and Bruce will be doing the talking. It will all be fine.”

*SPOILER : It was not all fine.*


	2. Would have guessed Urania

Things ceased to be fine just after they were shown into Stark's office, before Bruce had even finished his introduction. One moment Bucky was trying to blend into the expensive wood paneling, the next his sidearm was aimed directly at their host’s head.

“Buck?” Steve drew his own weapon and tried to get between Bruce and Stark while also keeping the door in his peripheral.

“He's a Goa'uld.”

Stark didn't seem phased by either the accusation or the weapon pointed at him. “As the internet kiddies are saying these days,” he made finger guns at Bucky, “No, you.” He cocked his head in puzzlement and one hand turned to point at Bruce. “And maybe you? What's up there?”

Before the scientist could do more than blush at the reminder of his unique situation, Steve stepped in. “That’s not the issue here. Who are you, and how did you avoid the screenings after they got you back from the Trust?”

“I'm Tony Stark - you came to me, remember? And I accepted the MRI that was offered.” Before he could respond to the dodge, Stark continued, “If you’re asking why they didn't detect my roommate, we worked out how to avoid scans and hide her naquada signature years ago.”

That also explained why Rumlow hadn't felt anything when the former host accompanied the extraction team, but the implication that a major industry leader had been a Goa’uld for years wasn't making him feel any better. “There's no ‘we’ for your kind, and even if you’re claiming to be a Tok’ra, I wanna talk to the snake, so again,” Steve raised his gun in a more obvious threat, “Who are you?”

“I'm afraid Thal's more of a silent partner, so the only me here to talk to is me, Tony Stark. Try a new question.”

He was distracted from his frustration by Bucky's hand on his arm. He had a look of intense concentration which usually meant he was trying to get information from his snake. The Goa'uld assassin which called itself Winter Soldier had been suppressed but not removed by their Wakandan allies, and had a wide range of helpfulness depending on its mood. Finally, Bucky nodded curtly at Stark. “Show us your mark.”

The man obviously knew what he meant, because he stood immediately and began removing his shirt. “Without dinner first? How forward; we haven't even been formally introduced.”

“These are Sergeant James Barnes and Captain Steve Rogers,” Bruce put in helpfully. “Though I imagine you recognize them.”

Stark nodded absently. “Sleeping Beauty and the Lost Knight, stars of all my childhood fairy tales.” He gave Steve a narrow look. “I assume all the good qualities my dad couldn't stop talking about will become more apparent when I'm not under suspicion of being a false god.” He slipped the shirt off his shoulders, and Bruce took a half step forward to gaze at the iridescent mark on his chest that seemed to be a smiling theater mask.

“Thal… Thalia, the muse of comedy?” The scientist blinked a moment and Bucky lowered his weapon in seeming satisfaction. “I would have guessed Urania.”

“She's most known for comedy, but has strong interests in the sciences, too. Turns out she also loves programming.”

Steve admired Bruce's encyclopedic knowledge of seemingly every topic they might run into, but briefly wished Clint were here so he wouldn't be the only lost one. “Okay, so instead of being a metaphor, muses are snakes that partner like the Tok'ra? I really think we need to talk to it directly.”

Bucky shook his head. “The Muses aren't like the Goa'uld, or the Tok'ra, for that matter. They never take over their hosts, not even to speak. They communicate with the host mostly through feelings and images, and give inspiration for creation, which they then enjoy experiencing…” He broke off with a thunderous scowl and the odd eye movements which usually meant an internal argument with his own parasite then snapped angrily, “You absolutely are not!”

Steve wondered if the snake was really being annoying enough to throw Bucky out of his professionalism, but decided that is was probably more of a signal that he believed Stark to be harmless, and went with it. “What's it doing now, Buck?”

His best friend turned to him with a long-suffering look that wouldn't have been out of place on their middle school teacher's face. “Winter wants to be known as the Muse of Combat.”

Stark fumbled the last of his shirt buttons in his helpless laughter, and Bruce even smiled. “Well, with the way you describe his behaviour in the field,” the quiet scientist began.

“It’s not a Muse, it's a damn backseat driver!”

Finished redressing, Stark approached Bucky, raising his hand slightly. “May I?”

Though he had relaxed out of combat mode, Steve still watched with concern as his friend made Parasite Face again then nodded. Stark touched Bucky's face gently, moving well into his personal space, and in spite of his usual aversion to touch, he returned the gesture and tilted his head down slightly so they were almost sharing breaths. Stark's eyes were shimmering in the first true sign of possession he had shown, and Bucky's were closed tightly.

After a few minutes while Bruce stared in fascination and Steve started to feel distinctly uncomfortable, both men stepped apart simultaneously, taking deep breaths as if they had forgotten the need for oxygen until separating. “Thank you, Sergeant.”

“Um, sure.” Seeing Steve's concerned look, Bucky gave a reassuring smile. “The snakes were talking, uh, directly. Like how they can recognize each other, even in new hosts? I guess when they are close enough it can get pretty detailed.”

“That's amazing,” Bruce breathed. “That pheromone based communication could be considered an actual conversation? You'll need to write up a full brief on it later.”

“Actually, it's not- well, actually we should probably get back on the original track rather than a further digression.” Stark settled back behind his desk and took a deep breath. “I cannot be a part of Stargate Command, or consult on any projects to combat the Goa'uld.”

Steve straightened and felt his anger rising. He should have known it was too good to be true. “So your snake plays by different rules but is still loyal to the System Lords? You realize that they are at war with us? That’s treason.”

“Cool your tits of patriotism, Rogers.” The man was infuriatingly calm. “Muses are neutral in the wars between the System Lords, with the Tok'ra or Asgard, rebellions against Goa'uld, and even the intra-planetary wars of humans. Thalia is a contemporary of Apophis and Anubis and spawned with that principle in place from a Muse even older; you are not going to be the one to sway her.”

Bruce had been doing his usual conflict avoidance, but spoke up suddenly. “You became her host when you were a hostage in Afghanistan. That's why you divested your weapons division into its own company back then.”

“I agreed to do it when we bonded.” He shrugged slightly. “The weapons contracts were holdovers from Howard's time, and a feeling of responsibility to the troops, but I had been focusing my efforts more in other areas even before Thalia came along. The new company is doing fine, though we had to do some fancy footwork on contracts for me to take all the patents I held personally with me.”

Steve was about to respond when Bucky touched his arm gently. “Don't go there, Captain.” His face was pinched like it had been continually before he and ‘Winter’ came to a rough truce. “From the history I'm getting, the Tok'ra and possibly some of our other allies would take serious offense if we tried to strongarm a Muse. And he didn't say he couldn't consult with the Program at all.”

“Oh!” A huge smile spread across Bruce's face. “I'd love to have you take a look at the dialing computer! I think some of your work on learning programs could really translate well to the decision trees we're working with.”

“Now that does sound interesting. Why don't we talk NDAs and security concerns, and we can work out a rough consulting schedule. Oh yeah, and I almost forgot.” He turned back to the two soldiers who were starting to ease back out of conversation range. “Don't think you're keeping that gorgeous piece of tech hidden under your jacket, Sergeant! I took my shirt off, fair's fair.”

Bucky let out a deep sigh and started unbuttoning his jacket while Steve tried to keep a straight face if not a supportive one. “God damn geek catnip…”


End file.
